Ready to Mingle...

A few nights ago, a friend called me up for dating advice. As I was counseling her, I realized that I may not be the best person to turn to. I haven't been in a relationship since my ex and I separated almost 5 years ago. And during that 5-year period, I've only been on 3 dates! That's not even one date a year! I know, I'm pretty pathetic, right?

As for my friend, I think I still offered her pretty good advice. I've learned a lot from my past relationships. I have developed new theories on love and new communication techniques. However, I have yet to put these theories and techniques to the test. I suppose now is my chance.

As comfortable as I am with my independent lifestyle, I think it's time I found a companion. Or at least started dating. I'm not getting any younger, and if I plan to be with someone for a few years before tying the knot and having another baby, I'd better start searching for that special someone - NOW!

Just one thing - where do I begin?

- M

Have any ideas or suggestions on how I should rejoin the dating pool? Know anyone you want to set me up with? (All ethnicities accepted!) Send me an email or comment below!

On Drinking Green

Some people are very particular about the types of coffee, beer, and wine they drink. I've even heard that there are tequila and vodka connoisseurs. But how about becoming a connoisseur of something healthy instead?

Like most people, I've heard the buzz about green tea and its health benefits. I jumped on the bandwagon and started buying green tea bags instead of your typical black tea. Sometimes, I drink green tea instead of coffee in an effort to detox, although I probably don't drink enough to actually feel the detox effects...

I've also heard that green tea can aid in weight loss, which is the benefit that has me hyped up at the moment. On her Gorgeously Green website, best-selling author Sophie Uliano mentions about how drinking green tea can keep you trim, in addition to the its other health benefits. According to a recent study, drinking green tea may slow down weight gain and fight against obesity. 

Sophie also provides a brief overview of the different types of tea and proper steeping techniques.Who knew that the type of tea you drink and how you prepare it actually matters? Note: It just may be worth it spend a little more to buy loose teas and invest in a stellar steeping system.

I remember when the "tea fad" started years ago, when it was cool to frequent your local tea shop and various steeping gadgets were all the rage. In my opinion, the fad has come and gone, and I'm ready to resurrect it and become a green tea connoisseur -- for healthiness sake! Are you with me?

- M

What type of green tea do you drink? Any suggestions on what brand I should start with?

 Please post a comment below! Thanks!

Muffin Tops as Room Decor?

In light of my previous posting, I just had to share these photos.

 Muffin tops...coming to a living room near you?

- M

Owning the Muffin

Last week, I did something I don't normally do. I tucked in my shirt - twice. I usually don't do this for fear that a super-sized muffin top will protrude over the top of my pants, but last week I owned the muffin.

Looking in the mirror, I realized it didn't look that bad after all, especially compared to all the women out there who own way more muffin than I have. So, the shirt tails went in, and I liked it. I actually thought I looked good and even felt a little fierce! I also wore a little makeup that week, which I don't usually do either, and that probably helped me in owning my body.

Confidence is definitely the name of the game. That's a no-brainer, but often takes a while to learn. When you exude confidence, people will look past your body shape.

I dedicate this posting to one of my dear, fierce single mommy friends who has shown me by example that size doesn't matter. You can rock anything and still be attractive as long as you exude confidence, own your body, and work it!

For more information about muffin tops, please visit Everything You Need To Know About Muffin Tops. It's a really cool, informative blog that includes information on hiding your muffin, exercises to get rid of it, and even a discussion on surgery options.

I'm definitely going to try some of the exercises. Just because I own my muffin doesn't mean I plan to keep it!  ;)

- M

On Essence and Aging

I was reading the latest issue of Essence while riding BART on the way home from work today. I got to an article about skin care that totally tripped me up. The article was about recommended skin care techniques to be used by three age groups - 20s, 30s and 40s, and 50s and beyond.

My first instinct was to read the information on the 20s page. But then I told myself to get real and turned the page (slowly of course, so that anyone watching me or reading over my shoulder wouldn't think I was actually 30 or older)...only to be horrified to see that they had lumped 30s and 40s together! I switched back and forth between the pages, trying to conceal my real age and to make it look like I was simply comparing notes. I clearly had a dilemma - where does my skin fit in? I am only seven months into my 30th year, and I have beautiful skin (or so I'm always told). Plus, I'm just 30, not "in my 30s" - that's totally different! Surely an article for women in their 30s and 40s doesn't apply to me! Or does it?

Obviously, my dilemma is more than just skin deep because even the Letter from the Editor in this month's issue got to me. The letter was an encouraging message to women who are Young, Black, and Amazing...and in their twenties! As I read the editor's words of wisdom for the twentysomethings in her life, I could only wonder - do these things no longer apply to me because I'm no longer in my 20s? Even worse, does this mean that I am no longer considered young??? Does turning 30 mean you cross over the threshold from Young Woman to Woman?

After spending a good while processing my thoughts, I looked down and realized I had been stopped on the skin care article long enough for anyone to see that I belong to the 30s and 40s group. Just great, I thought to myself, as I quickly closed the magazine and put it back in my purse. Then it dawned on me. Most people think I am younger than I look. I often get asked the following questions: Are you in school? What school do you go to? What are you studying? What's your major? While I used to find these questions quite annoying, I wouldn't be opposed to hearing them once an a while. Maybe now I am at the age where I will start to appreciate looking younger.

So...the next time I am carded at a bar, instead giving the bartender my "Seriously? I've been old enough to drink for 10 years" look, you might actually hear me say "Thank You!"

- M

---

Side Note: Not Your Mama's Essence
Essence has been making a grand attempt to attract younger readers...those twentysomething young women to whom the editor was speaking. While I applaud the magazine's efforts, I am actually kind of bummed. I had tried to read Essence when I was younger, and of course, I found it irrelevant. It was a magazine for my mom, not me. My plan, which I was excited about, was to start reading it again when I got older. Now that I am actually "old enough" to read the Essence of the past, the magazine going in a new, more youthful direction. Go figure!

Leads: Part II

As a reporter, I found it difficult to write a story without first nailing my lead. It was as if I needed it in order to move ahead with the rest of the information. For me, the lead not only allowed me to get started, but it also revealed where I was going with the story and helped craft my ending (as I usually like to tie the end back to beginning).

In a similar sense, setting well-crafted goals, like writing well-crafted leads, is a necessary step a person must take in order to progress in his or her life, especially when trying to transition from one part of life to another. Currently, I am lost in transition. I have a broad sense of what I'd like to do and where I'd like to be in my life (healthier, thinner, richer, etc.), but no defined goals or specific plan to lead me there. Without setting goals, it will be impossible for me to move ahead.

I suppose this leads me to my first goal. I must figure out what I want in life in specific terms. Once I know that, I'll be able to move forward and take the steps I need to get there. 

- M

Leads: Part I

There is something about the process of arranging words together to craft an amazing sentence that totally excites me.

I just awoke from a dream where I was sitting in a university hall with a small group in attendance at some sort of journalism club meeting. Or at least it was a club meeting, and I was sitting with the journalists. We were in workshop mode, discussing one woman's article and helping her create the perfect lead. I was obsessed with getting it right, and even as I was awaking from the dream, I was toying with several options for the lead.

Writing leads was one of my favorite things to do as a features reporter. I always enjoyed coming up with just the right sentence or phase to grab the reader's attention or to simply capture the essence of the story. I found the process even more exciting because the perfect lead didn't always come to me while sitting at my desk in front of the computer. My mind was (and still is) constantly in motion, and words would magically piece themselves together while I was in the shower, shopping, or even driving - and I'd have to stop immediately and write them down.

For me, those moments were priceless. And I miss them.

- M

My Reflection

I don't look in the mirror often. This is probably one of the reasons why I haven't seen what's been happening to me, to my body, to my being.

sexy me (2004)

In my mind, I see myself they way I looked when I was in my early 20s - thin, attractive, moderately happy young woman on the road to success. But then, I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or I'll try on an outfit that doesn't quite fit the way it should, and I'll realize what I've become - an overweight, still pretty-faced but not-so-happy 30 year old woman who is stuck in a rut. Even after having a face to face encounter with my reflection, my mind still lingers on the image of myself from about a decade ago.

"Reflections of/the way life used to be..."
I'd often think that I'd be happy if I just do the things I used to do, be the person I used to be. I even thought that if I changed my name back to my maiden name, I'd somehow transform into my former self. But the fact of the matter is, I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. I'm a long way from home, and I've been through a lot. In the short time span of four years, I experienced marriage, motherhood, and divorce. I changed career paths and I am still trying to figure out where I'm going. And I've gained a tremendous amount of weight. I'm just in a different place right now.
I suppose it's kind of insane to think I could even go back to the old me. So, I am ready to move on. I think I am finally ready to let go of that old image and look at myself and who I really am today.

Fuzzy picture of me
(July 2011)

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror/I'm asking him to change his ways..."
My biggest concern right now is my health. I went to the doctor last month and weighed in at 167lbs. I'd mysteriously gained about 15 lbs over the summer, making me borderline obese (according to the chart in the doctor's office). I never thought I'd ever weight this much in my entire life. I was unhappy about my weight before adding on the extra padding, so now I'm downright depressed about how I look.
But weight is only part of it. Since turning 30 in March, my body just doesn't feel the same anymore. In a random, freak accident, I partially tore the ACL in my right knee, and walking hasn't been the same since then. My knees hurt, my legs hurt, and my feet hurt all the time. I am always tired, even after taking my narcolepsy medication. And I have chest pain and circulation problems, most likely due to calcification on my arteries and not flossing like I should (poor dental hygiene can lead to cardiovascular problems). My body is a mess and it is screaming for a makeover! But it's not going to do it on it's own. If I am going to make myself a better, healthier, thinner person, I have to take a look at myself and make a change!
I recently started reading the amazing book "Crazy Sexy Diet" by Kris Carr, a woman who was diagnosed with a rare cancer when she was 31. Kris decided to clean up her lifestyle - her eating and exercise habits and her state of mind - and now she's healthier than she's ever been and her cancer is in control. So far, this book has been an inspiration to me, as it has taught me how people should really be taking care of their bodies. (I'll definitely be blogging about this book in future posts.) It has inspired me to finally take the steps to make a change in my lifestyle and become a healthy version of me.

"Instead of looking to the past, I put myself ahead twenty years and try to look at what I need to do now in order to get there then." - Diana Ross

me in 20 years?
i sure hope so!

I came across this quote today, and these are definitely the words of inspiration I needed to get up and get moving. I've focused on the past too much, and I'm standing still in the present, so why not look forward to the future? In twenty years, I'd love to look like First Lady Obama, but that's quite ambitious for me to think about right now. Also, twenty years is a long time from now, and I'd like to focus on short-term, more achievable goals. So, in the meantime, I'll imagine what I want to look like in one year and chart the steps to achieving that goal. I also plan to do the same thing for my career, as I'm in a transition point right now. I've been at my job for 5 years now which seems like a good point to move up or move on. I love my company and my job, but at the same time, I feel as though I'm just treading water and not going anywhere. I need goals...I need to put myself ahead maybe 5 or 10 years, think about what type of position I want to have then, and set some goals toward landing that dream job.

So, looks like I'll have to start looking in the mirror more often, and maybe even into a few crystal balls. I hope you enjoy reading about my journey back to ALIVE.

By the way, welcome to my new blog! :)

- M